Sharing blog posts which I've enjoyed through the week:-
...and an Interview:-
I met the lovely Missy and His Lordship at Eroticon a couple of weeks ago, we stayed in the same hotel and attended a lot of the same lectures at the convention, so we smiled and nodded, passing pleasantries but not sitting down and having a proper chat ... Oh for a Rewind button! Since getting back home we have DM-ed quite a lot which has made us realise what an opportunity we missed! Anyway Missy has kindly lifted the lid on her private thoughts and motivations so we can all understand her better as a blogger. She's shared lots of great links so do please delve into them too, you may (like I did) find bloggers and sites you want to follow.
- What made you decide to write a sex blog?
I didn’t start off thinking of it as a sex blog really. We had been D/s for a while and in that time had struggled to find reliable information about how the dynamic worked within a married monogamous relationship. We had been part of an online community which had helped at the start but ended up being too prescriptive. It was one true way which meant ‘their’ way and, like many others, we didn’t fit in (I was actually banned from the community for starting my own blog!) So partly I started the blog as a way to help others who might be starting out and want to know more about how we make it work, and partly I did it so that I could learn and grow in my submission through my reflection and engagement with others. We have since started our own chat community - The SafeworD/s Club.
- What’s behind the title of your blog or your blogging “name”?
I started off online as Mrs W. One day I set up a Facebook account for kink related things and made it Missy Doubleyou. From there I became missy and so when I started my blog it made sense that I should use submissy. Unfortunately on twitter that was already taken so I thought I was very clever using 5ubmissy. Not so much lol. I now realise that there is very little to connect my social media to my site through a search. Maybe that is a good thing, it helps to keep my anonymity I guess. Missy is also a name that Sir can use in public so it works well for me for blogging and also for marking out the submissive me.
- Describe your blog in a nutshell:
My blog is about my journey as a married submissive.
It has a category for Submissive Musings which are generally my ideas and reflections on things to do with submission. There is also a category for Building a D/s Dynamic where I post the pieces which I think may help or interest others who are (or want to be) on a similar journey. My Submissive Journal category really has all the posts which are personal to me. That is probably the largest category and it’s where I reflect on where I am, where I want to be: the ups and downs etc that form part of living a D/s lifestyle. There’s also a category for posts about Play, Scenes and Kink which speaks for itself. My newest category is called Projects. It has my Advent Calendar Project and my Throwing Caution to the Window Project which is focused on trying to push myself; working through some of the things which are holding me back - body image being a key one. That’s where I’ve posted my Sinful Sunday pictures. I will also be doing the blogging A to Z challenge and will put other projects there in the future.
Gosh that isn’t really much of a nutshell, more of a whole nut tree - sorry. My blog is wordy too!
- How long have you been blogging on this theme?
I started blogging at the end of July 2016 so coming up for two years now.
- What is your favourite type of adult toy?
Gosh I love loads of things. I think that our Doxy wand has become the go-to toy, but we often use it in combination with other things. With a house full of teenagers there are eyes and ears everywhere so a lot of our play has to be on the quiet side. We use the cane at least once a week as I love impact but hands panking and most other implements are too loud for when the kids are home. HisLordship is also a fan of anal so we have a lot of anal toys but I see there’s a question about that down below - how appropriate!
- If you were sent to a desert island (with no power issues) name the 1 adult toy you’d take with you:
Yes it would have to be the Doxy wand simply because we use it so much and I can’t think of anything really which you could use to replace it from everyday life. I think that everything else we could probably pervert from the what we found around about us on the island.
- What’s your current sexuality? At what age did you realise this was the right ‘fit’ for you?
I am straight and have never really questioned that. I love female bodies and find them very attractive to look at but it doesn’t really go further for me than that. I was curious, so had a couple of encounters with girls when I was younger which felt nice but at the end of the day I really like cock. I also like being with someone who is physically bigger and stronger than I am as that makes me feel smaller and more vulnerable, which in turn makes me feel sexy. I do think that a lot is about personality and the way that we connect with others so I’d never rule out finding myself in a situation which took me beyond the heterosexual monogamous category I am currently rooted in.
- What’s your preference - naked or “dressed up” for sex? If dressed up, how so?
I am nearly always naked for sex but what I wear or don’t wear will be entirely up to HisLordship. Sometimes he will request an item of clothing, or a specific ‘outfit’ but usually I am ‘au naturale’. If I want to feel sexy and entice him I will usually wear something rather than nothing. Sometimes I will dance or strip for him and I will select some lingerie that I feel sexy in, and usually add stockings and heels. The most I often end up wearing for sex is a blindfold lol.
- Is there a kink or fantasy you’re yearning to try?
I have written on my blog about the fact that my fantasies are difficult to describe as they are made up more of snapshots of images, feelings and thoughts than they are a scene by scene account or story - although that would be helpful. This makes it hard to explain them as they are quite bitty. I fantasise most about humiliation and things which are beyond my comfort zone / find extreme so they are not always things I would want to do in that form.
I suppose one of the recurring ones would be the fantasy of being pushed past myself to the point where I have given up my conscious sense of self and have become my ‘other’ who exists completely for the physical and is pure response rather than conscious thought. It is hard to explain and I have posted about it on my blog - Being Nothing - if anyone wants to know more.
- Name the fictional being or species you’d most like to have an encounter with:
It isn’t a fictional being or species but I did enjoy the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by Anne Rice. I think that world would be way too hardcore for me in reality but there’s something about it that attracted me to at least visit and give it a go.
- Anal sex - Meh or Yay?
Definitely a YAY. Anal play was one of the things that I fantasised about from quite a young age. It was not something that formed part of previous relationships and when I mentioned it during my first marriage it was met with horror. When Sir and I had sex for the first time he asked if he could put his finger in my bum. I squeaked out a yes and so that part of our relationship was born. Since then we’ve worked up to anal sex but it is not something that we do all the time. It feels completely consuming but sometimes meets a need which nothing else can as it feels quite primal. I view it like champagne - nice for a special occasion but not something you would have every day. Anal play, however, is something that we incorporate on a regular basis and my favourite toy is a glass twister which was what brought about my first anal orgasm.
- Sex needn’t always be serious - do you have a funny moment to share?
I think it is important not to take yourself too seriously in anything really and sex is no exception. There have been lots of funny moments, some more so in hindsight than at the time. I can see the funny side now of being caught over Sir’s knee, lubed up and ready for the glass dildo mentioned above, by my daughter who had come to tell us that there was water pouring through the ceiling on the landing! Funny now, but not so much at the time. Lots of the times we have laughed have been about things that have been said or because Sir is trying to lick inside my ear which he knows I can’t stand. Also during role play such as when I’m ‘Elf’ - my naughtier and cheekier self. I have also laughed hysterically during a forced orgasm scene when I hit subspace and just lost it completely.
- Sexting - love it or hate it?
Both. As missy I love it and love the thrill of sending HisLordship a picture that I know will get a reaction when he opens it. As my other ‘teacher’ self I hate it as it is a constant source of work trying to provide damage limitation for the nudes that merrily float about the school cyberspace.
So conflicted is my answer: I see the dangers, I see the pleasure and I do not practice what I preach!
- Which mainstream film depicts your favourite erotic scene?
I am not big into films and we haven’t watched many erotic ones so I don’t really have an answer for that.
- Do you watch porn?
No, not unless we are watching it together as it does nothing for me in terms of arousal. I don’t mind watching it in an educational sense to get ideas, but I am not really a visual person so it is always better in my head than when it is right there in front of me. Too real maybe? I find the written word much more erotic, in that it leaves something to the imagination.
- Nominate your favourite adult film:
For the reasons stated above, I don’t really have one. Perhaps that should be my goal? Maybe I am missing out.
- Before you go, please tell us 1 adult blog (aside from yours) which we must add to our reading list:
A special one for me is clearly HisLordship's blog as it has been really helpful to me to read his perspective on the relationship we have and on the way he views his dominance. Obviously we speak all the time but sometimes there is more detail in a written piece and the level of reflection and insight it gives goes much deeper than we’d get through conversation alone.
I also want to recommend a newer blogger, Sweetgirl, who is one of the submissives I have got to know from The SafeworD/s Club. She writes about her journey into submission as well but also writes a bit of fiction and recently started participating with #SinfulSunday so I want to give her blog a shout out too.
Thank you so much for sharing your more ‘private’ side with me and my Dark Darlings!
www.submissy.com missy (@5ubmissy) | Twitter
www.thesafewordsclub.com THE CONCIERGE (@thesafewordsclb) | Twitter